man and woman holding hands

Sacred Union

It is important to extrapolate the differences between males and females for the soulmate union as well as for the aerosexuals in sadhana.  The ego has different effects on the male and female souls, so their strengths and weaknesses are quite different. 

In everyday matters, the male unconsciously turns toward the intellect and the female toward the heart.  The female is stronger in her interpersonal skills and her ability to nurture those associations.  This is her focus and strength, whether they are a family member, friend, or companion.

The female forms friendships through her communication, and the male through participating with others, whether through work or similar hobbies.  For instance, two fellows may work together and find they both enjoy the same activity.  They may become close friends by playing and competing with one another with little conversation outside the perimeter of their activity.

Females, too, may connect with others through work, hobbies, and interests, but friendship always starts with interpersonal communication.  She may ask about family or children and bond with others through communication first, while any action-oriented work or hobbies are secondary.

Lasting friendships may be formed in the workplace since it requires both action and communication, depending on the job and work environment, and the hours spent with co-workers surpass the family unless they work together.

In many cases, spouses do not work together, and the long hours away should be rewarded upon seeing one another at the end of the day.  They should go out for the evening, take walks together, or engage in an activity that they both enjoy. 

If obligations such as work schedules or children don’t permit it, they should have weekly dates to reconnect.  Before sleeping, communicate your love and affection for him or her.  Talk about your hopes, dreams, and goals, and try never to go to bed angry or sad.  Always keep him or her close to your heart and mind.

The soulmate union is an eternal romance, as the Lord brings two people together life after life.  They become one through their strengths: she the heart, and he, the mind.  It is a holy and beautiful arrangement between two souls as they grow closer to the Lord and to each other.

Swedenborg described it as two souls appearing as one.  They each have their own individuality, but spiritually, they have intertwined with one another, which is clearly witnessed in Heaven.

Marriage is first and foremost for the soulmate, and procreation is secondary.  If two people decide not to have children or one is unable to, it should not affect the marriage negatively.  In thinking above the body, the male or female will rejoice that the Lord brought their soulmate to them, whether they are able to have children or not.

If both want children and one is unable to, they can adopt and love the child as their own.  The strongest connection between parent and child is not from the body but is spiritual in nature since the child needs to be nurtured and protected whether the woman gives birth or not.

The female’s ability to procreate lessens as she gets older, but that shouldn’t deter her sadhana or waiting for her soulmate.  By mid-twenties, the mind fully matures, and her ultimate happiness is not found in her children or ability to procreate, but the partner she chooses to celebrate her life with.   

The Lord honors the soulmate union above all others with repeated lifetimes together, and the children are like “soul” friends that appear now and again.  A son in one lifetime may be an uncle or close friend at a future time. 

For as much as it’s possible for two to be reborn at the same time, the Lord gives preference to the soulmate as the highest and most honored love between two people through the entirety of their sadhana and beyond.

While in sadhana, it’s more difficult to see the spiritual connection that has already taken place over many lifetimes together, but there are indications.  Both will think similarly about various topics and have some of the same interests.

During a courtship without touching, they get to know one another again and easily become the best of friends.  She enjoys the way he thinks, and he enjoys her attention and loving responses. 

These spiritual interactions take place above the body and should remain so until both are sure they’ve met their soulmate.   Many speak of “love at first sight,” and while it may happen very rarely, it would be foolish to rely on it.

Physical attraction and feelings are deceiving, and the sex samskara is a serious issue for males and females during sadhana.  Once bodies start touching, the mind becomes clouded, and each loses the ability to see the other or the relationship clearly.

Many times, I’ve heard women say, “I love him, but I don’t like him.”  What she’s really saying is, “I love when he touches me, but I don’t like the way he thinks.”  This is a sign that body identification got in the way during their courtship, and she never learned to appreciate his mind.

The goal of marriage is for it to last for a lifetime until the Lord brings the two together again.  In essence, they should be two eternal best friends.  A person may have many friends throughout life, but they’ll only have one true companion; and once found, there’s no greater joy than to continue their eternal union.

The worldly will meet and have sex without looking for their eternal love first.  These entanglements with the sex samskara cause serious damage to the soulmate union and the most emotional suffering for the woman since her sadhana is led by the heart first.

If the relationship ends in separation, she may feel used or exploited by their association, and in many cases, she’s right.  The samskaras are always seeking domination and destruction, whether by his mind or her emotions.

Sex before commitment is upside down and feeds the sex samskara without getting to know the person.  We get to know someone through communication and activities together, not through physical relations.

Does it seem passionless that one should seek a best friend first?  True passion is above the body, with the excitement of seeing, interacting, and being a part of their everyday life. 

Search for your one eternal friend, engage with him or her above the senses, and later, romance will automatically flow from two hearts that are spiritually joined.  The soulmate union will grow stronger with a deeper abiding joy in finding the only one who was meant for you.

woman in blue denim jeans lying on bed

Sexless Marriage

In Heaven, the soulmate union is purely spiritual.  In an earlier essay, I noted that it’s been said that the soul at liberation is neither male nor female, but my own description is that of wholeness.

The ego has a different effect on the soul of the female versus the male.  Upon liberation, her intellect and heart become equal.  Likewise, the male, who before relied mostly on intellect, will become strong and feel evenly connected to the heart.

The ego and the enemy of the soul have been extinguished through births and spiritual practices, and each has been transformed.  All goodness and spiritual growth remain, including the spiritual connection with the soulmate.  Their joy becomes more profound in Heaven for he will not be intimidated by her intellect, and she will not manipulate his heart.

For those intent on God-realization, their growth together is not measured by copulation but by adoration.  In this way, sex is not an important part of their union.

They can still be intimate through touching and might wrap their arms and legs around one another in a full-body embrace.  There’s also no rule that says a couple should have sex on their wedding night.

Neither one should feel pressured, and any physical touch should flow naturally upon marriage and commitment.  They may hold one another in a full-body embrace on their wedding night and fall asleep in each other’s arms. 

If the male’s intent is to have sex, he should not pressure her to do so and wait patiently for her.  Both should always agree regarding how far they are physically comfortable with.

There is a description of a sexless marriage in Angel and the Badman, where the character played by Gail Russell meets Quirt, a gunslinger played by John Wayne. 

At the beginning of the movie, he faints in the post office and falls on top of her in a full-body embrace.  She pulls away with love and adoration in her eyes.  It was a deeply spiritual moment captured on film, showing the spiritual intimacy that’s possible between two people without sex.

Sex is also a natural expression of love for the partner. Still, if both feel it is a distraction to their sadhana and wish to grow together without it or only occasionally, they can do so and still be intimate with a full-body embrace.

It may also be that one or both can’t have sex once into their elder years.  By keeping the union above the body, all is not lost should the body’s functions deteriorate, for true love and affection are spiritual and above the body.

Growing Together

Two people grow stronger together while engaging in sadhana.  If schedules permit, they should meditate together at the start of the day.  A half-hour of spiritual effort together will inspire each other’s sadhana and remind each of their spiritual connection with one another.

It should be noted here that their sadhana is individual, and spiritually, they are not one half of a whole.  Each grows independently and spiritually toward the goal. 

If the male makes more spiritual progress, his sadhana may slow down to keep her in his sight, and likewise for the female.   Her heart is the stronger of the two, and she should always remain patient and kind.

The Ego’s Effect

The male knows intuitively that he has the stronger intellect, and the female knows unconsciously that her heart is the strongest.  Each should strive to support the other without the manipulation of the ego that’s present in both.

Her ego may attack a particular situation with emotion.  She should try very hard to step back and approach the situation as sensibly as possible.  There are situations where tears and grieving are necessary for healing, but her emotions shouldn’t be used as a weapon.

In response to her emotional upheaval, the male will do anything for her, whether it’s rational or not, to quell the upset. 

Conscious awareness of this cycle is important.  If her tears are not for mourning or healing, then there is little need for them. He should use wisdom and gently bring it to her attention since the odds are very good that she is not aware of it.  I cannot say objectively that every female wields her emotion to the same extent, but I can say it’s a vice used by the female ego.

If approached properly by the male, the female will grow spiritually by not allowing her ego to dominate situations and then forcing him to behave irrationally in response.

The male, too, should guard himself against manipulating her through the intellect.  This will quell an automatic emotional response.  For instance, she may not understand something he is explaining since her love language is of the heart and his is of the mind.

As a result, he will become aggravated and speak down to her.  This will hurt her, even though she may not have grasped the details.  Whether male or female, everyone knows what it feels like to be belittled, and she will experience suffering from the interaction.

A good way of gauging the male ego’s sway in the relationship is to look at the effect.  Does she find herself always having to defend her thinking?  The ego within the male would rather she leave the thinking to him. 

The extent, again, depends on the male, but men should work on this negative tendency.  It’s not helping his soulmate and only aids in ego dominance in the relationship. 

For the males, I ask, don’t you want the best for your always-girl?  Then be her closest friend and give her room for her intellect to breathe and grow, nay encouraging her to do so, and she will dwell safe and secure in your loving arms.  Her heart will grow closer from your understanding and loving encouragement to expand her mind.

I should add here that there are different levels of intellect among females, and it’s not a one-size-fits-all scenario.  Respect your girl for her mind and heart.  After all, as your soulmate, she’s unconsciously reflecting on previous lifetimes together from a feminine perspective that you should find warm and appealing.

Mind The Step signage

Watch Out!

The union between soulmates should be nurtured and protected.  When working apart in the world, there are ways to safeguard one another, for there is no greater suffering and no greater betrayal toward the spouse than to find oneself involved in an affair.

If the relationship starts to feel stale or boring, it’s very easy to rekindle it.  Pay attention to one another, go places together, and communicate.  If done regularly, then the union will never grow stale.  Make memories together and keep the heart warm toward your spouse.  By doing so, the passion for his or her presence will always remain fresh and alive!

If the relationship grows dull, the workplace can become a place of temptation.  After all, they spend eight or ten hours a day with your spouse, and there are very few instances where the workplace doesn’t combine both males and females.

At the beginning of a downward spiral, one might find another at work physically attractive, and this is not adultery.  Physical attraction is not adultery unless it’s acted upon.

One day, you go on lunch break and bump into her or him, and one says to the other, “I didn’t know you took lunch break at the same time.  Why don’t we have lunch together?”  A few days later, they bump into one another again, and before long, they’re planning lunch breaks together every day.

This behavior is the beginning of adultery and should not be indulged in.  Both have broken boundaries with their spouses and this in all cases.  At first, it might seem innocent since the conversation is lighthearted and neither is touching the other, but would one have asked and the other accepted the invitation if they weren’t both physically attracted to one other?

With a group of three or more, the friendship is kept in check, but spending time alone with him or her suggests that it’s personal, private, and exclusive since no one else is around.  Before long, she begins to reveal more personal issues about her life since the setting is intimate.

This is true in all cases, for this is how the female mind works.  She’s going to use her interpersonal skills first and this always.  The more breaks they take together, the more comfortable she is going to be in discussing her personal life.

As we look at this from the female’s side, maybe her relationship with her husband hasn’t been the best in the last few years.  Once she begins communicating about her life with her husband or family, she is making someone else who is not her husband her confidant, leaving her heart vulnerable to this other man.

With a stronger intellect and a “caring ear,” he can easily manipulate her into an affair.  All he needs to do is be the guy that she doesn’t have at home, even turning on some fakery and charm to have his way.  After all, he’s already physically attracted to her, or he never would have gone to lunch with her alone in the first place.

The ego dwells within the unconscious mind and seeks domination in all cases so the male will be unconsciously motivated to compete for her attention and be the guy that she doesn’t have at home.  This is an unconscious action and not necessarily a conscious choice.  Consciously, they’re both in denial that these actions are any more than friendship.

As their friendship grows closer with these lunch dates, she finds her husband less desirable.  At home, she begins picking at him more for inconsistencies and the way he thinks.  These interactions only increase her unhappiness, and she begins to wonder if separation would be best.

In her mind, of course, it’s not due to these lunch dates with someone else; oh no, for they are just friends.  The truth is quite the opposite because this friendship has everything to do with it and she may even complain to him about everything that she doesn’t like about her husband–and still deny that this behavior is interfering with her marriage.  

Who wants to admit to themselves that they are committing adultery through their emotional involvement with another?  Her husband isn’t getting any positive interaction since she already gave it away during her lunch break with her new confidant and friend.

Now, let’s look at this from the male’s side.  He feels enticed first by her physical appearance, and now he feels a little honored that she’s turning her attention toward him.  Within their alone time, he learns much about her personal life and preferences.

Each day, he feels a little more drawn into her world and wants her to be happy.  He may improve her work situation by coming to her aid when needed and might even look for situations where he can be more helpful to her.  Unconsciously, he is becoming the knight in shining armor that she wants.

Her ego, too, is pulling him close by manipulating him through emotion.  The more personal the conversation, the more powerful the emotion, and he feels drawn to protect and comfort her, whether by listening or running to assist her.  After all, isn’t that what friends are for?

After a few weeks of her undivided attention, he looks forward to going to work and seeing her again.  He stops wanting his wife’s attention, and her lighthearted jokes aren’t funny anymore.  Physically, he’s there but is cold and distant since he already gave his hero’s cape to someone else.

A house divided against itself cannot stand, and if the behavior continues, the marriage is doomed.  All the while he convinces himself that they have simply grown apart with little to do with his daily intimate breaks with someone else.

Companionship is spiritual, and each interaction draws the two closer and away from the spouse, eventually crossing the boundary into a physical affair.  This happens whether they leave their spouse first or one day, they just get caught up in the moment in a physical interaction.

Meanwhile, everyone at the workplace who sees them leave together, watches the scandal unfold.  As the months’ progress, rumors spread about their daily alone time and wondering when they will end up with one another and leave their spouses behind.

In actuality, the chances are slim that the association will last, whether they leave their spouses first or not.  Their connection was built while they were already in a relationship with someone else.  How long will it be when this same scenario plays out again, except next time one of them is the one who is betrayed?

In both situations, it’s more certain that the wife at home will suspect the affair first since her interpersonal skills are the strongest.  She will question her husband’s behavior, and he will naturally deny any wrongdoing since he’s been lying to himself all along.

To avoid further injury, he should stop any behavior that would draw this other woman toward him immediately.  Daily, he should remember what drew him to his wife and run to her arms for love and forgiveness. 

She possesses the most longsuffering of the two, but if he continues to deny the affair, then he is not being honest with himself or his wife.  If he finds himself still drawn to the other woman, which is most likely the case, he should change shifts or jobs as quickly as possible. 

His wife’s trust and even his affection for her cannot be rebuilt when the situation that caused the affair remains.

Can the relationship be repaired?  Indeed, it can be with a forgiving husband or wife and cooperation between two souls who remember why they joined in heart and mind.    

Though the situation is dire, don’t give up so easily on your forever friend if you don’t want to. In actuality, the wife or husband at home has every right to end the association due to the spouse’s indiscretion.

If the affair has escalated to a physical one, my personal assessment is that the indiscretion is too severe, and I would abandon my association with a broken heart and a clear conscience.  This is only my personal view, for my long-suffering may be longer or shorter than another woman’s.

There is no doubt that she will feel an overwhelming sense of betrayal, and if she wants the companionship to continue, she should strive to improve the situation and not emotionally attack him every day for his indiscretion, which will only make the situation worse. 

His heart must be bigger, embracing her at deeper levels than his mistake, or the association will end.  He should hold her close and comfort her and the brokenness she feels.  Her tears are based on real sorrow for he has sinned against her and likewise, for the husband at home who has chosen to forgive his wife.

The Lord may place severe penalties on the one who has sinned.  This is portrayed eloquently in the movie Birth, played by Nicole Kidman.  In the story, her soulmate was not faithful to her and died before his time.

Years later, she remarries, and a ten-year-old boy knocks on her door, claiming to have been her previous husband and recalls memories of their time together.  She is taken aback at first but by the end of the movie, her tears are true sorrow that he is, in fact, her husband.

The Lord did not provide the right birth circumstance for him to reconnect with his wife due to his indiscretions, and now the man she has married is vying for the opportunity to become her soulmate. 

He now has competition due to his unfaithfulness, which may continue through many births until both hearts become set on one, which may not be each other.

This may be seen in instances where two people become good friends, but it doesn’t blossom into a romance.  They might think alike and have similar interests, but her heart is not turned in his direction, even though he might secretly desire to make her his companion. 

This is also why it is important for the mind to fully mature before seeking your partner.  Before this time, it is too easy for one or the other to break the eternal romance that each has been building over many lives together through indiscretions.   

Protect your heart and mind and keep them safe from the interference of others, for there is no greater hell than experiencing this level of betrayal from the one you love more than anyone else in the world.

woman walking on grass field

Aerosexual Sadhana

The aerosexuals do not have a soulmate, and their sadhana is different than that of the heterosexual.  They are not able to join heart and mind with another for the Atman is leading them straight toward Self alone with many friends along the way.

They, too, can become involved in romances, as society today does not currently support their sadhana in vital ways that encourage them to seek the Self.  This is easily noted as we look out into the world and see everyone pairing up and clinging to the family as the only route through life.

The Mother’s Way should be a place of refuge and friendship for those dear ones who don’t have or want a soulmate.  This should be the path for all until the mind fully matures.  His or her greatest joy is not in giving her heart or his mind to another but in being true to Self alone.

They may be able to cohabitate with another aerosexual in something similar to a romance, as is seen between Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell.  This is not their true path for both are aerosexuals.

This is an in-between path for both since the world is cold towards the lifestyle and path of the aerosexual.  Both have remained together for many years since neither imposes on the heart or mind of the other, making them a worthwhile companion for one another.

A romance between an aerosexual and heterosexual will always end badly.   The aerosexual will feel oppressed and overburdened by the heart or mind of the other, and they will not be able to dwell together without serious conflict.

The goal of church and society is to provide an aerosexual atmosphere so that they can spread their wings and fly toward the goal of Self, and their deepest joys that lie within. 

They find it through freedom, not romance and the sex samskara will distract them from searching and finding the deeper joys that make them the happiest through life.

The ego responds the same between sexes, whether aerosexual or heterosexual.  If an aerosexual woman uses her interpersonal skills and emotions to get a man’s attention, then she should understand that her real motivation is to feed her sex samskara and not to be friends.

The aerosexual male should also understand his primary objective for seeking her friendship when he provides the caring ear or becomes the hero who saves the day.  This mutual manipulation is a stumbling block for the aerosexuals who desire freedom but are drawn away by the sex samskara.

The dynamics of friendship are different between two females and two males.  There’s safety in her female friendships that she doesn’t have with a male.  Another woman won’t attempt to manipulate her mind.

Friendships between males are safer as well, for another man won’t attempt to manipulate his heart to come and rescue him.  If he confides in his male friend, the other fellow will likely say, “Well, what are you going to about it?” 

He will not respond this way to a female and will unconsciously seek her approval and rush to her assistance since he perceives her femininity to be fragile.

To give an example, a woman soldier is captured on the battlefield.  In response, five men might die trying to save her.  Is that the case when a man is captured?  The dynamics are different between males and females and this always, whether the path of an aerosexual or heterosexual.

mindfulness printed paper near window


The heart is stronger in the female and the intellect in the male.  When we look at the wide range of spiritual levels, a man in a higher chakra can hurt more deeply than a woman in a lower chakra. 

It’s also true that a woman in a higher chakra will have more wisdom than a man in a lower chakra.  As the chakras open, wisdom and love converge within an individual, whether male or female.

When two soulmates join, they will be at a similar spiritual level.  With both in the same chakra, her heart draws toward his mind and his mind toward her heart.

Cherish your spouse and keep her or him close to you.  For the heterosexual, your happiness in sadhana is closely tied to her happiness, and both should grow together toward the Lord through meditation and dwelling on divine passages and scripture. 

If you like to pray, then pray also with your spouse, but meditation is the key that unlocks the joy between two hearts that are joined in sadhana.

For the aerosexuals who are not interested in eternal romance, be aware of your intentions when making friends with the opposite sex.  Guard yourself against any type of emotional or mental manipulation, whether on your part or theirs.  Your ultimate happiness is found in freedom, not in the arms of another.

We are entering a new era, and this is the path forward for society.  The Lord wants us to come out of our reproductive caves and engage with the world in a Culture of Oneness.   Society is progressing forward, and the Holy Spirit is slowly molding society in the direction according to Brahman’s Will and Purpose.

Be faithful to your spouse if you are a heterosexual.  Be vigilant in your spiritual practices, whether heterosexual or aerosexual.  The Lord will bless you with many happy lives together with your friends and loved ones. 

The same people do return time and again.  The uncle from ten lifetimes ago may be your grandfather or become your child.  The possibilities are not endless, but numerous in God’s Great Divine Plan, and He, too, is Faithful to see you through to the end.