Turquoise – Save Your Blood
It was early into adulthood, and I knew I had made a terrible mistake. Every day felt like the worst day of my life being married to this person. I tried thinking back through the years I knew him and realized that the relationship had been “built” on exploitation and he preyed on my naivety.
When I admitted my fears, he reiterated them against me every time he became angry, which was most of the time. He took my insecurities and used them against me.
I saw the world through rose-colored glasses and yet I couldn’t deny that every day, he found a way to make me miserable inside. He took his frustrations out on me when the world made him angry. Once released, he was “sorry” and slowly, over a few weeks, it would build up once again.
In the stage of rajas, a person’s anger is the most pronounced, and the soul has few ways of dealing with angry outbursts outside of karma yoga. It would have been better if he had worked two jobs than to take out his frustrations on me.
Despite it, the long-suffering I felt inside wanted the marriage to work. This was no longer about a vow to this person, but to God, so I suffered on through the years, hoping it would get better. After my second son was born five years later, I was too spent inside from all the years of abuse, and we separated.
I purposely mislabeled it as a “trial separation,” since I didn’t want any more violence, but I had no intentions of returning. God never expected me to stay in a relationship this volatile. I didn’t feel that reassurance at the time and spent a few years feeling remorseful that I had broken my vow to God.
Previously, in the essay, Sadhana, it was emphasized that the brain doesn’t mature until a person is twenty-five, which was also the age that I realized this marriage was ill-fated. If the church had given me this much direction, I wouldn’t have dated before then and this “relationship” never would have happened.
It takes twenty-five years for a person to fully mature mentally and physically. Those who take their sadhana seriously will heed this instruction and avoid needless suffering. The scars are still difficult to write about so many years later, but unions can cause serious suffering when we make wrong choices.
Earlier sadhana should be about exploring our own individuality so we have a better understanding of the partner that will make us happy through life. The outcome is much less likely to lead to abuse or end in divorce when both approach one another with maturity and mutual love for the Lord.
There are those who don’t have a soulmate and every romantic relationship brings a sense of regret inside. It’s not positive sadhana for them, even after the age of twenty-five, and ends up feeling claustrophobic or oppressive.
They are aerosexuals naturally and the lifestyle of a heterosexual shouldn’t be pursued after this age and will cause unhappiness for them. There are many hiding in the world today and some follow the heterosexual path unaware that their inability to “bond” and be happy may have little to do with the other person.
The Atman is pushing them away from romantic associations toward a different path of joy through Self alone. The heterosexual path is more prevalent in society with finding a partner and having families, but it’s not a path that’s meant for everyone.
There are a few in Hollywood, unaware they are aerosexuals and attempt to live as heterosexuals. Sandra Bullock is one and through stardom, her failed marriage made headlines with his extramarital affairs.
Another is Goldie Hawn who, among the few, has remained with her partner, Kurt Russell, for many years. Jennifer Anniston also comes to mind with many failed relationships, as well as George Clooney.
None of these people can bond heterosexually and would be happier without a romantic association, but alas, the world hasn’t supported this path, making their sadhana feel cold without a partner.
My second failed attempt was with a man in pratyahara. He, too, dealt with anger issues, though a little less grievous than the first. He had two children, as I did, and seemed to enjoy constant screaming sessions, mostly directed at his children.
Within two years, I could almost predict what would set him off and how to steer his mind in a better direction. Once, he was berating his son and I was tired of the anger and continuous mental exhaustion. His behavior on this occasion had become deeply egregious, and I suddenly ripped a page out of the book I was reading.
He finished screaming and turned around in time to see what I had done. I showed him the page, ripped it up, and threw it at him. He looked at me with surprise and I said, “That’s what you just did to your son.” He was speechless, the house grew silent, and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief.
The soul is only beginning to look inward during the stage of pratyahara and has difficulty reflecting on the spiritual effect of their actions. Like tamas and rajas, they rely heavily on parental raising, society, and religion for their moral compass.
Christianity and Islam are overwhelmed with violent men in the lower chakras, and a “bomb” strapped to their sides. The Christians may not agree but history down through the ages says different.
They’ve risen in every age creating havoc and chaos since they have great difficulty reflecting on their actions. They may gain power and followers and have the least knowledge of ahimsa and what it means to be a spirit in a body.
The lower chakras and spiritually tamasic wear feigned goodness on their sleeve, hardly touching the soul, and look to the world for their sense of right and wrong. If the family breaks down or they have no interest in religion, they look to society for their morality. This creates a mob mentality like we see every day with gang-related associations and social media.
This person, at least, excelled in karma yoga with the intensity of an aghorisadhu, which kept his foot on a better path. If he hadn’t immersed himself in a physically strenuous job with long hours, the level of his ability to follow ahimsa would have been greatly inhibited since he was already exhibiting difficulty.
The relationship was deeply burdensome since he couldn’t see how his blowups and even jokes affected others and were always initiated at someone else’s expense. There’s nothing funny in belittling anyone, especially those within our closest associations.
My second mistake, unlike the first, was not waiting two years before joining our families which proved to be disastrous. I didn’t cover this in the Diamond Doctrine of Wait Two Years. As it takes two years before getting to know a spiritual teacher, it takes time in getting to know a life partner.
It took two years for me to be able to understand this fellow enough to be able to predict his reactions with a fair degree of accuracy. Mine did not end as badly as some with drained bank accounts or a secret wife somewhere else, though there were many times he was financially abusive through frivolous spending.
They say that a diamond is a girl’s best friend, and so is the Diamond Doctrine in waiting two years before marriage and living together. It won’t take that long before the sheep’s clothing falls off and the wolf appears.
The person may appear like the perfect companion at first, but the ego is an unconscious force, and they won’t be able to hide their shortcomings for that long. Their character and intentions will manifest before two years and a person can make better choices in a mate that brings a future of happiness, versus suffering.
It may not be that they are bad individuals, but that they are just the wrong partner and that can be grievous as well. The fellow ends up caring little about her emotions, or she grows agitated at the way he thinks and ends up nagging and picking at him.
The stronger these signs manifest, the less likely the relationship is between soulmates, and they should separate without seeking further commitment, thereby saving years of turmoil ahead.
It rarely gets better, when she or he is not the right person and feels like two people trying to walk together through life wearing a pair of mismatched shoes.
Here is a representation of the soulmate union and the joy in finding one’s life partner.
There are many, nowadays, who move in together without a marriage certificate. Those who live together, through their actions, are still committing before God to seek no other and meant for a lifetime.
It is the same as a marriage since there’s no “try before you buy,” or halfway in a commitment. God views living together the same as marriage with or without a legal certificate.
The Turquoise Doctrine is for those who don’t want to suffer needlessly or overextend which leads to suffering. When we deny our physical or spiritual needs, life becomes joyless and unmanageable.
The path of the martyred saints is not optimal when we realize Heaven can’t be reached in a single lifetime. There are three lifetimes where it may be unavoidable and should be considered a rare occurrence.
God’s plan is for us to seek ahimsa and joy in every lifetime and the real purpose of sadhana is to avoid suffering, whether for ourselves or while interacting with others, and pursue godliness.
We can’t seek God’s favor through self-inflicted hardship like the Christian who gave away one of his kidneys to a stranger, professing his love for the Lord. God doesn’t expect this kind of sacrifice and possibly cutting short his own sadhana.
He doesn’t win any favors with God, and it won’t add to his spiritual stature. He doesn’t go to Heaven sooner because of his sacrifice or make him popular in Heaven once he does. These are the fallacies that are encouraged by the church that may lead to self-perpetuating misery.
Galatians says, “Be not deceived. God is not mocked for whatever a man sows, that shall he also reap.” This means our relationship with Brahman is impersonal and there’s no “negotiating table” with God and karma is reinforced, whether good or bad.
Sacrifices should be made wisely, knowing that struggles in life are assured. The amount of suffering we undertake can make the difference between joy and despair. God wants us to seek joy first through spiritual practices and this always.
Lately, I’ve been reading some on the Vissarion who claims to be Christ and lives in Russia. He is a bodhisattva or buddhisattva with his teaching of The Last Testament. He is not the Christ, but his writings are divine and beyond the wisdom of the illumined.
I wouldn’t contest his teachings except for the one that a husband if given permission by his wife, may have a second wife. He did this in his own life and his first wife left him. This is not what God intended and the soulmate union is between two and shouldn’t be interfered with.
He provides a real but difficult path for the sadhus with long hours of labor and little medical intervention for those who need it. Some have acquired Lyme disease which is a serious bacterial issue that if left untreated, can be deadly.
Some of the positive aspects are that everyone learns a trade or form of labor that adds to the community, with a rich culture like the Amish. The women sew, weave baskets, and make pottery. The men are blacksmiths, builders, plumbers, etc.
The Vissarion has been in jail for the last few years due to the complaints of those who moved to his commune, decided they didn’t like it and left without any compensation. Many gave their entire life savings and were left destitute upon leaving causing issues with the authorities.
There is spiritual growth in a difficult path such as the Vissarion’s, but the Mother’s Way doesn’t embrace denying the needs of the body, which are vital for positive sadhana.
In Matthew Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” To deny oneself doesn’t mean one’s physical or spiritual needs, but the self-will or the ego.
Taking up our cross is our spiritual state and current sadhana, and our cross becomes lighter the more we follow the Lord with ahimsa and spiritual practices.
A person will always have death to contend with in every lifetime, but also God’s promise that we will be reborn to pursue happiness with those we love with the soulmate union a priority over all others.
Struggles to free oneself from the clutches of the ego are inevitable. We can avoid suffering by making wise decisions that free us to live a life of happiness and joyful progress, with beautiful memories along the way.
This should be the path forward as we seek to become more like the Lord. In seeking we find that with forward progress, joy and exuberance become more valuable than any earthly riches we could ever incur.
Previously, we discussed trusting no one and living in safety. This is the third safeguard for protecting our life and sadhana. Tragedies need not be a way of life and our sadhana is important to the Lord.
When troubles arise, embrace this doctrine, and remember that God is not pleased with martyrdom. Deny the Lord first, if you must, as wise sadhana is in living an inner joyful life, and not dying for our beliefs.
The Gospel of Ramakrishna says, “It is true, however, that God resides in bad people also, yes, even in a tiger; but surely it does not follow that we should embrace a tiger.”
“It may be asked: Why should we run away from a tiger when God is dwelling in that form? To this, the answer is that God abiding in our hearts directs us to run away from the tiger. Why should we not obey His will?”
The same holds true for those in divine madness who may misstep and appear too odd to the world. Get your wits about you and deny your previous behavior. You haven’t anything to prove to God or the world and continuing your sadhana is most important to the Lord.
Follow the Turquoise Doctrine and sacrifice if you must but choose your sacrifices wisely. Unnecessary suffering is not the path to Heaven, but joyful living and a happy sadhana that brings peace to our lives and the world.