Emerald – Limit Touching
Body identification is the most beguiling and deceptive of the samskaras and appears in many forms through thoughts and actions. It causes a disarrangement in one’s sadhana since touching focuses the mind downwards into the lower chakras.
This causes perplexity when a person is looking for their soulmate and is why many fall in and out of love so quickly. It heaps sorrow when we find out they weren’t the person we thought or wanted them to be.
There’s a sense of excitement when the relationship is new and touching during this time befuddles the heart and mind into thinking that love and touch are synonymous. As a result, those who marry or move in together too quickly may end up miserable.
Lately, I was watching the dreadful story of a Mormon in his late twenties who met a girl during a work conference. He was immediately attracted to her physical appearance, and they spent the weekend together. They were certainly touching and by the time he returned home, he thought he found the woman of his dreams.
Within a few months, she was indoctrinated into his church, and within five months, the romance turned toxic, and his dream became a nightmare. He tried to break off the relationship, but she refused to let go and stalked him for the next year and a half, before brutally taking his life.
The teachings of the Mormon church about dating were not able to save him from a better outcome. If he had taken the time to get to know her better without touching her, this might not have ended so tragically.
For one, the Mormons are allowed to begin dating at sixteen, which is too young. This should be the time when a person begins meditating while enjoying their karma yoga with fun activities and hobbies, which carry over until the mid-twenties when the mind fully matures.
They also don’t have any rules about touching and they can kiss (for a second or two) and hold hands right away. This creates a serious temptation for a grown man, especially, and proved to be deadly for this fellow.
His mind couldn’t assess the situation clearly once he indulged in physical relations or he would have seen the signs of incompatibility, and a courtship never would have happened.
It’s not typical for a woman to commit the atrocities that she did, but it shows that anyone can fall victim to the brutality of another through crimes of passion.
Those who abstain from touching too early find the deepest joy in their union with a lifetime of love and affection that continues to build throughout their sadhana. Two country music singers, Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, are an example of the soulmate union and the Lord’s blessing of many lives together.
Previously, it was discussed that a suvisadhu will wait six months during courtship without touching and a bodhasadhu will wait a year. It takes time to get to know someone and whether they are the soulmate and touching before then creates too much confusion within the mind and heart.
Finding the soulmate is a joyful experience and allows two souls to expand in ways that add to one another’s sadhana as a true partner and friend. Two people who take their sadhana seriously won’t engage in behaviors that obscure the search for there’s only one who brings happiness and makes the heart soar.
Two people who engage in courtship may seem compatible at the onset and find out differently as they get to know one another. Waiting a year before touching, as in the case of a bodhasadhu, gives each the necessary time to assess whether this person is the soulmate.
If a fellow tries to manipulate or coerce a girl during the first year of courtship, then he’s not looking for a soulmate. If he grows agitated by her unwillingness, then he’s not taking her sadhana or his own seriously and she should abandon the courtship.
It’s not uncommon for a girl to show her attraction first, but she has the most vested emotionally and her guidance should take precedence and be honored by the male. If she, too, is quick to touch, then she’s not following The Mother’s Way or her natural proclivity to keep her heart safe.
The point of dating is not to feed the sex samskara, but to find the soulmate. The male’s sadhana has the most intellect and strongest drive for physical relations and should guard himself against coercion.
Females are led by the heart, and when a male intrudes on her sense of what’s right, she loses her happiness and sense of well-being. If he successfully manipulates her, he may walk away with little vested emotion while she feels used and shattered by the association.
This isn’t always the case as society has become topsy-turvy where the females are abandoning their nature and hardening themselves emotionally. Many deny and rebel against their natural sadhana and being true to their femininity.
Their response is to dress and behave provocatively and seek out men for pleasure. Inwardly, they are heaping more suffering and regret than the men do, since they are led by the heart.
This is the difference between male and female sadhana, and she always walks away more scathed by denying her natural inclinations and indulging in promiscuous behavior.
Besides, no one wants to see a sixty-five-year-old like Madonna showing her cleavage all over social media. How many sixty-five-year-old men do this? It’s ugly, distasteful, and childish. A woman won’t grow old gracefully if she never grew up gracefully or by abandoning her natural sadhana as an adult.
There are many fun activities and similar interests that can withstand a year of not touching for those seeking to find their one true love. Going dancing is fine as long as each respects the other’s space.
Slow dancing is acceptable after a year as a bodhasadhu, such as ballroom dancing, where two are not fully embraced. The medieval period offered dancing among the opposite sex that was fun while respecting each other’s space. Line dancing is another joyful and fun activity among a group of friends offering exercise and positive interactions.
The safest approach after the first year is not to do anything privately that wouldn’t be done publicly unless each is committed and sure. Once the relationship is consummated, God views this as a marriage with or without a marriage certificate.
My encouragement is to deny the sex samskara and wait until marriage for there’s only one meant for you with many lives ahead meant for happiness and spiritual growth. This is the Lord’s path to a life of contentment, peace, and love that grows stronger with each lifetime.
One day, shortly after a church service, a man walked up to my mother and hugged her. Her face turned red as she was caught off guard by this open display of affection. As a child, I was bewildered that everyone decided his behavior was harmless.
A handshake is a sign of friendship and hugging another man’s wife is inappropriate. It’s acceptable in the case of relatives but hugging the opposite sex who isn’t the soulmate is excessive.
This is a sign of body identification and those like Amma, who think they should hug the whole world, confuse the body with the spirit. Let’s love our friends for who they are on the inside and save our hugs for our lifelong companion.
It is easier to avoid these behaviors or situations if encouraged early in life. A child should be taught what is appropriate and when certain boundaries are crossed.
Once, at the age of four, my family was visiting another family, and they had a little girl my age. We went into another room, and she grabbed her toy stethoscope, wanted to play “doctor,” and proceeded to take off her clothes. I was shocked, felt queasy, and ran away.
I’m not certain what her intentions were, but her behavior was inappropriate. My parents never spoke openly about issues like this, so I never told them.
There are other games that children play that desensitize and make touching others seem harmless. Playing tag or hide and seek is fun and encourages children to run and play. Receiving a tap on the arm, shoulder, or back never felt offensive to me.
The game, Twister, is advertised as “the game that ties you up in knots,” and numbs a child into thinking that this much touching is acceptable.
A child grows up confused about where the boundaries are when the world has no standard, or the parents never communicate what’s acceptable.
The danger is more apparent as a child grows older with games like “Spin the Bottle.” Wherever the bottle stops, the person who’s “it” must kiss the other person. These games are atrocious and should not be indulged in by children or adults.
There are dangers in kissing such as mono, herpes, and HPV. These can be life-altering with repeated outbreaks that cripple our happiness and sense of well-being.
These diseases can also be acquired early in life as babies. Grandparents and other family members may spread it unknowingly by kissing the face. Babies are cute, indeed, but we should protect them as much as possible from these debilitating viruses.
A fellow once tried to play “chicken,” with me on the school bus one day. He put his hand on my knee and said, “chicken?” I felt queasy being touched and asked, “What?”
He moved his hand a little further up my leg and I quickly figured out the point of the game and slapped his hand away. He and his friends laughed, calling me names. In truth, I should have shown the offensiveness I felt inside to him touching me at all.
Contact sports such as football, hockey, and wrestling are fine, and most are separated between male and female. Other activities might require touching, such as karate and other forms of self-defense.
Physical contact is appropriate in circumstances that are required in learning a new skill and the competitiveness in contact sports is positive sadhana. Where there’s no positive purpose, then physical contact should be avoided.
Touching always felt dark and disturbing to me while growing up. The church never taught the offensiveness of “harmless” touching and the lines always appeared grey and undefined. As a child, I was always looking for confirmation of what was acceptable and found no consolation.
In following the Emerald Doctrine, the church should lead the youth in offering positive sadhana and the dangers of unwarranted touching that appear harmless but desensitizes our children to risky behaviors.
Group activities among the youth keep the mind engaged in friendships with the opposite sex and provide a clear path into adulthood that emphasizes and nurtures our sadhana. By engaging in similar interests among like-minded individuals, the temptation of physical attraction is easier to resist.
It provides a solid foundation of deep and abiding friendships that continue into adulthood and keeps the heart and mind safe from distractions and protects the soulmate union; as well as providing activities and interests for the aerosexual who doesn’t have a soulmate.
The spiritual needs of our children and adults can only be provided by those who offer a rich community of activities and karma yoga that encourages spiritual interaction and discourages body identification.
As a young teenager, there was a church that provided a bus that picked up the youth and we rode the ten miles to the church located in a neighboring town. The youth group was large with several hundred children close in age. We had various group activities and competitions that were fun and exciting to be a part of.
It would have been better if the activities were more often than a Wednesday night service or expanded into different areas of interest for those wanting to have friendships and a community that encourages one another.
Activities that expand into the community wouldn’t necessarily require the church to be opened if the organization isn’t financially capable. For instance, a person may be a good painter and offer classes for others who are interested in learning.
These provide fun opportunities to make lasting friendships with others in the church who are interested in the same activity. Yoga and fitness are other opportunities to spread community and fellowship with like-minded individuals who want meaningful friendships throughout life.
We should set clear perimeters, so our children don’t become confused and drawn into the world’s interpretations that lack personal boundaries. Following ahimsa in our daily actions is vital for positive sadhana and there are never any regrets in abstaining from unnecessary touching.
Our actions are spiritual first for it is the soul that wills the body to move. Each movement reflects the soul’s sadhana under Brahman’s watchful eye and concern for our progress.
We gain venerability by looking up and unnecessary physical contact draws the mind downward into the lower chakras causing foolish decisions to self-perpetuate.
Keep the mind clear and the heart safe in God’s Love that never fails to protect and nurture your sadhana. The Mother comforts the distressed and encourages the disheartened. She inspires the weak and uplifts the oppressed.
Leave the world’s identification of the body behind and seek that which is holy and eternal. Allow Her Safe and Loving Arms to guide and bless your sadhana with sat-chit-ananda and boundless everlasting joy.